Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
