I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
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