You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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