whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
