I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
