Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.

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(330): View more from Ohio

He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

Fav 36 8272 1009
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(224): View more from Illinois

Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.

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(916): View more from California

My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.

Fav 2 1727 772
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(250): View more from British Columbia

By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.

Fav 0 927 465
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(904): View more from Florida

WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS

Fav 6 567 391
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(816): View more from Missouri

We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...

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