you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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