We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
