No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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