Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
