my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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