Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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