A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
