god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
