seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
