i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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