Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
