I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
