You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
