If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
