Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
