I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
