I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
