My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
