I love black thongs
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I think I am morally bankrupt
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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