a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
