i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Terrible idea I love it
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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