I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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