her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
