o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
