he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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