I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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