y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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