i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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