You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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