i was born a porn star she said
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
