dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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