Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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