youre lurking in front of me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
