You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
