Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
