She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
