When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
