I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
