You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Randomize
