You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
