i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
