in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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