Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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