so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
